The LifeMindLove Union

One Year On: Unemployed Despite World Cup Promises

2011-07-14T04:06:00.000+02:00

Hello!
Wow, I feel embarrassed coming here and writing something on this blog. Even my blog couldn't look me in the eye. It has been almost an entire year since I last blogged, and comparing now to this time last year is like comparing meat to soya patties...so much has happened in this past year, which I will, in my usual fashion, outline in point form (it makes my life so much easier to summarize things):

1. The World Cup came and went and now we bask in the afterglow, almost wondering if we didnt, indeed, dream it a la Desmond Tutu. We also have to tolerate the Anant Singh film documenting the whole spectacle; the film was disappointing in its scripting but still nice in that we have a lovely long video montage of that time to bring back happy memories.

2. I also left the wonderful morning newspaper I worked at in mid-June to prepare for:

3. JAPAN! Yes, I leave for Japan in just over a week as a member of the JET Programme, an exchange English teaching programme that will see me infiltrating a junior high school in a lovely west coast town off the Sea of Japan for one whole year (or more if I love it and decide to stay, highly unlikely but you never know...). I will blog more on this soon. Things are still in preparation mode (aaagh) and all I can say in Japanese is my name and where I am from, and that it is nice to meet you. I also know how to buy three apples according to my Japanese syllabary chart. (Ringu mittsu kudasai!) I think I shall be eating lots of apples there. I can also do the accent. This will probably not help me much in understanding anything. I still can't read the language. So much for leaving work early to prepare! I was sad to leave work, and feel like, just over a month later, I have lost bits and pieces of my journalistic senses. I am almost a member of the unquestioning masses once again. I must remember to always remain curious and not forget how to write like a journalist. Not that I was much of a journalist before but I had become used to the style of and thinking like a journalist. Oh well, it will come back when I come back...unemployed and back in the job search market. But I am hoping my experiences in Japan will toughen me and give me a greater edge as a journalist. Tangential aside: the headline for this post has nothing to do with me gaining employment because of the World Cup...FYI).

OK, so once I send the millionth email out to my peeps in Japan I will write another post in which I talk myself into perhaps starting another blog dedicated solely to my life in that country. Really should have got some newspapers and magazines here to publish articles on my life in Japan...oh, well, it's a bit late to arrange all that now, plus I will probably not be arsed to write anything once I am there, what with all the raw fish and buta niku (I think that's pork) I will be trying to dodge. I ate salmon on Friday and found it so gross I almost cried. I plan on going to Daruma here in the 031 next week to sample some sashimi and sushi which I have never had before. Despite people crowing "It's soooo niiiiiice!" to me over the past few weeks I still feel apprehensive about trying it. I have had a bean curd sushi thingie before and it tasted like melted birthday candles. Wish me luck, those folks who might be reading this. I also need to get in touch with the Muslim guy in Japan who said he can help me find "all kinds of Islamic Food but meat"...and he seems to think I am a man because he referred to me as "he" in his mail to my predecessor.

Anyway, I must rest; my throat is raw from the weather change. Please pray for me and my trip please!

Japan !Joe!

2010-07-22T20:15:00.000+02:00

Hmm, how do I carry on writing on this blog...it has been far too long and i find myself saying the same thing on it every time i come back. how is it that, when you're bursting to write, to vent after a particularly emotional/horrible/exciting day you're nowhere near a computer, or the dial-up connection refuses to connect, or you're about to go to bed and so can't actually just go on to the net to blog your feelings? I really believe that Murphy's Law governs my life.
Anyway, seeing as I have nothing much to say, I might as well share a thing I have loved since December and dream of all the time (Well, most of the time): Weisse Kokos - a truly glorious, out-of-this-world white chocolate with coconut and rice crispies. All the way from Germany courtesy of my aunt, the quality of the white chocolate almost brings me to tears, it makes a Milky Bar look like dish water. I swear God dropped it from heaven accidentally. I wish the company that makes it Choceur would send me a huge supply of it to me, I would eat it for breakfast, lunch and supper and as a snack. I hope my aunt visits South Africa again soon...

anyway, I need a Weisse Kokos break now, goodbye, take care, play music...

!Joe!

The Trophy!

2010-05-16T02:31:00.000+02:00

It's slowly becoming more and more real, the World Cup here in SA...I went to Suncoast Casino yesterday and managed to sweet talk my way into the last group to see the trophy which is on tour at the moment (don't miss it in PMB and Richards Bay over the next few days), bypassing the loooooooooooooooong queue in...I've got a pathetic, absolutely pathetic picture of myself with the trophy behind me, damn that cute volunteer, but I have a picture of me with it which is what matters most, I suppose. It's beautiful and shiny and you can't actually believe it's there in front of you when you see it but there it is, in the plastic box, so close yet so faw away...and you wonder what it feels like and the desire to scream and jump over the chains barring people from getting any closer just so you can feel the trophy suddenly becomes an urgent itch that needs to be scratched...I was intensely curious to know what it felt like, the smooth parts, the textured patches, the green marble-like circles at the base...personally, the green section looks like tiles in the bathroom of an old Indian house...I know this because i have seen this in many Indian homes, namely in Parlock...anyway, people were smiling and excited and children were so happy and there were crates around so that the small ones could get into the shots with the trophy. Funnily enough some money-grubbing businessman hadn't thought to have a photographer there who could charge for every picture taken. Hm, strange. Luckily I had my camera with, dodgy screen and flashless as it was. The photographer was on campus with me, but he did not seem to recognise me. I find that happens alot with people you saw on campus but never actually hung out with. Anyway, I got a free bottle of Coke at the end, which was absolutely delicious :) Fresh and crisp, with the caramel undercurrent tasting better than Coke in cans and buddy bottles. I drank it in the pouring rain, practically chugged it down in close to three gulps because they were collecting the empty bottles, and because I wanted to be out of the rain, what with my cat-like hatred of getting wet in the rain. However, I don't think I've had a nicer swig of Coke in an outside setting before. I know, I am talking absolute nonsense, but that's what you get at this time of the morning.
Still on the topic of the WC 2010, please let me know (if there still is anyone reading this rag of a blog) what you think of the street lights in West Street. I find them particularly disgraceful and tasteless. Any questions, comments, thoughts - please leave your messages here!

Oh, before I go: it feels good to blog. :)

Sweet blankets and snug jackets

!Joe!

Where do I Start?

2010-03-28T21:10:00.000+02:00

As the title of this blog post says, where do I start? The last time I blogged was such a half-arsed attempt at it that I actually feel quite embarrassed at it. How dare I blog half-arsedly! It is absurd to think you can fool people into thinking that you're reviving your blog with a single half-arsed post and a change in colours and fonts and stuff. That was so horrible of me, I apologise profusely. Ugh, I need to find another word for profusely. I just don't have the time.

Anyway, I have decided to make a concerted effort to blog again after the sweet appeal of miss QDee in the chatbox on the left, and because I really needed something, anything, to make me feel like my life belongs to me again. Work has stolen my soul. Even one great friend (whose ability to not bullshit me I love) has called me "lousy" and I fear he is correct. I have been a terrible, lousy, inconsiderate, cow of a friend over the past few years. I do have an excuse to explain why I have been that way but I will not use it, because it gives the excuse power. I do not want to hand over what little power I have left. I am in charge of me. Yes, I have become the sort of person who now consciously repeats things like "You are a great person, people don't find you annoying, other people don't matter, you are powerful, be positive" to herself every so often. I don't go for counselling but I think I need it. I will be sorting this out in the coming weeks, if I have time. Anyway, I have to tell myself these things every so often to feel better, my work has made me less and less like me over the past year.

So as you are now aware, I have a job. Well, I am on a contract, so it's not a real job, but it's the one thing that some people seem to think I have settled on after trying advertising and being a quasi-sub editor of a community newspaper. I now write for a living, which sometimes makes me hate writing and hate newspapers and hate the news, while at the same time taking over my life and leaving ink stains on my skin.

Besides that, here are some other bits of "Things that have happened to me over the past year" trivia:

- I have put on weight and now have these little folds in the middle section of my body that were never there before. It's sometimes a good thing, being slightly more meaty, and sometimes not so good, especially in vests that cling to you. I also have the early signs of cellulite on my thighs, but after seeing a model on Ellen with dimples in her thighs I felt a lot better about mine. I think I just need to exercise them and then everything will be ok.

- I have met loads of cool people over the past few months viz. Riz and Aarif, a hot paramedic, a hot action man, a hot editor...and some people doing great things. I've met also amazing journalists who have taught me a lot. I may not make use of everything they've taught me, but at least I know what good journalism is when I see it.

- I have become more scatter-brained, if that is possible. Papers plague my life, as well as notebooks that are compulsory for me to keep should anyone come back to sue my ass.

Anyway, I am happy I blogged. I hope to blog again in the next few days. Hopefully something funnier than this.

Lots of love and hope,

!Joe!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

2009-07-28T00:59:00.000+02:00

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes have been made to this blog. (Sing it, people!)

Gone is the old brown school-book-coloured blog. Now there is a whole new world to embrace. (sing it again!) As you can tell, I made liberal use of the colour palette and chose what my eye liked. It may not work well together, but it makes me happy to see the colours smoosh together to make a psychedelic thingamiebob of a blog.

I am up too late. I should be asleep. But I wanted to burn a few photographs to CD before the laptop A) disappears like it did a few weeks ago; B) crashes C) breaks and dies D) is used by the lady again. No names will be mentioned. She knows her effect on technology.

But now I am too tired to burn 'em, plus it means trawling through thousands and thousands of photographs and organising them, which is a nightmare I would not even wish on myworst enemy. I really, truly, unequivocally mean it. Ok, there might be one person...

I have decided that I will try a superhuman effort to blog again. It will help my writing alawt. I have given an arse's thought to my writing recently, and I must pay attention before my brain melts and drips off the top of my head like YogiSip. As you can tell, I am writing anything that pops into my head right now just so I don't stop and edit myself and tell myself that what I will write next is complete shite. Not horseshit cowshit dogshit, but reeeeal shite. (Sing it one more time!)

What have you lot been up to? If you are reading this, it would be great if you could comment and leave behind your trail so I can read your blog/s. I need to catch up really really badly. If your blog is about fairies and shite, don't bother. If it's about Marx and his ma, leave now. If it's in Afrikaans, I might peek into it. If you're writing about yo' kids, leave now and wipe your child's nose, cos that's just irresponsible. Blogging while gummy snot lingers at the edge your child's left nostril! Sies! All others are welcome to leave me some biscuity comments.

Sleep well, julle! Tot siens vir nou, liefies!

!Joe!

PS: the orange links make me wanna puke. Lemme change 'em.
PPS: I haven't added any MindMusic in a while. Here's one that makes me smile and sway like a hippie in a big green dress and orange satin headband...Andrew Bird - Oh No. Sing it when you hear it, whistle when he whistles...

The people that we like

2009-06-15T00:08:00.000+02:00

While watching TV the other day, I saw something that made me realise that, in my short and nondescript life, I have had some weird crushes on a few weird people, many of them much older than me. Famous people that not many would see as being objects of short-term infatuations. I thought to myself, hmmm, maybe I should share this on my blog. Then I thought, should I share this on my blog? I stopped and thought of what people would think of me, whether they would still want to be my friend, knowing about the men I had found mildly attractive for short and sometimes regrettable periods of time. Then I thought, what if it would make some girls out there feel a little less inadequate about their slightly uncool or older man crushes? I would be doing a service to them, giving them a voice in a world of joe-jonas-loving young-man-grabbing girls, etc etc.

So here is my list of the sometimes strange, sometimes unlikely, and sometimes ok crushes I have had, followed by some explanation as to why I found them attractive:

Kevin Spacey - I know, you're thinking, why would anyone have a crush on Kevin Spacey! His American Beauty creepiness is all that sticks out in my mind right now. He falls into my seriously strange crush category. He had me at The Negotiator, when he played a cool and in control Chris Sabian (spelling needs to be checked). He was all bullet-proofed and demanding hostages and ordering people around, which really drew my teen men-are-a-mystery-but-i-still-like-em self in. Luckily for everyone, that crush ended as soon as it started, not sure what did it, but it ended and that is all ye need know.

I can't remember the other weird ones now, but there were a few who could never fall into the embarrassing crush category for me because I found them handsomely handsome at the time and they are poignant little markers on the timeline of my life, highlighting growth and discovery:

Ralph Fiennes - I’m beginning to realise my crushes were mainly older men...anyway, I had a massively large and hugely big crush on him. I first saw him in a movie called Game Show when I was in standard 4 or 5 (I was a child, yes, but I knew from nursery school that I was heterosexual). He was much younger then, and I was taken by the blondey brown hair, the intense stare and hypnotic smile. soon after he was in the English Patient, which for me was a double dream because he was in it and because of its Egyptian setting and I was at the height of my obsession with Egypt and archaeology at the time...I remember reading an article back then that compared his lips to that of rolled up silk stockings...or something along those lines. I remember thinking it was such an older lady description of it, I mean, 12-year-olds don't say that about their crushes, do they? Anyway, I thought he was the bee's knees and the tree's leaves and all that, and it was only when I was much older that the crush ended. I can’t remember how it ended, but I knew by then that that was how crushes worked, they came and went as they pleased.

Michael Owen - this is a crush many girls would understand. He was v. cute and one of the greatest players in the world back in the late 90s/early 2000s. I had pictures and kept my Simba chips plastic collector's piece of him from the 2002 World Cup for years. My friends would refer to me using his name, as girls do. It all ended when, just before a history exam (I think), I read his gf was having his bb (baby). It was not a terribly tragic moment for me, because I think the feeling was waning, but he must be included on this list, because he is woven into the tapestry of my good memories, hopes and dreams.

I will add more to this list, I’m sure there were more people, but I think I need some rest now. Please feel free to add your crazy or cool crushes in the comments page, I promise not to laugh online.

Love and the people that we love,

!Joe!

The swing

2009-05-25T23:24:00.000+02:00

Hey everyone!

Ok, I think I was slightly too enthusiastic there...

Hi.

A leetle better...

Hellooooo.

That's just right :)

So I know a few of you have visited this bog of a blog and wondered, "Where the f%&k are you?" I have been busy switching careers for what must be the fourth time, I swear. Not many people get that luxury, and I suppose I should be grateful. My father laughed at me, saying that I've done lots of things in my somewhat boring life. The problem is, I don't remember much of what I've done. I remember the people, not the names, the jokes, not the practical experience. Could it be a sign of where I'm meant to be? As a few of you may know, I am a fan of theatre, and have harboured the secret and silently destructive love of it, and the desire to be wrapped up by it, within me for a good few years now. I think that many will tell me, "Get over it." I suppose I should. After my 26th will be a good time, I think.

In the mean time, there are a few sad/mad things I wanted to dwell on:

1. Adam Lambert coming second in AI. Kris was not bad, but an Idol winner needs to be out of this world.
2. Newcastle being relegated. :(
3. Sami Hyypia leaving LFC. :'(
4. Computer viruses and dumb supposed IT specialists who install virus software that has no serial number, rendering it virtually useless as your computer dies a slow and fragmented death.
5. People who make hundreds of copies of the same pictures on their computers and then adjust the settings on these pictures without having the technical expertise to do so. >:(

I'm sure there's more, but it'll have to do for now. I have to sleep and wake up in time to call the police, paramedics and a truck driver.

Love after a long time

!Joe!

PS: it feels really good to blog again :)

I say hello

2009-02-24T09:31:00.008+02:00

Hi there.

It's been a long time.

Eek.

But I say hello because some people have been urging me to write again for a very very very long time. I'm hoping that writing one lousy post will help me get into the swing of things.

I also felt a bit awkward writing again, mainly because I know the kind of look my blog gives me when I stalk it once in a while. She accuses me with her brown wallpaper and fine font. She looks like a woman waiting for a man who never loved her, tired and helpless and desperate. Oh, well, she'd better get over it.

'Cos I came back and said hello.

!Joe!

LATE-NIGHT RADIO

2007-12-07T00:33:00.000+02:00

The past few weeks have been crazy, wild-eyed weeks. I don't think I've ever had insomnia on this level before. It was so bad that even when I did manage to get a little sleep I was complaining, in my sleep, that I needed to sleep. And every morning, around five o' clock, the neighbours above wake up. There's the creaking open of a door somewhere, the soft slam shut, then the clicking of heels all over the flat, like they're looking for something. Then there's this sound, it sounds like the scattering of pearls from a broken necklace. At around 3 or 4 in the morning stray cats are fighting in the street, so the mangled meows keep me up, too. Sometimes I hear people gargling in their bathrooms, and of course, there are the cries of small children not wanting to go to school. Anyway, the point is, my building is more or less always alive, and when you have insomnia those tiny bumps and knocks sound like explosions or gun shots (in my area it could very well be gun shots).

I couldn't sleep, and I didn't want to hear things that go bump in the night. So I put the radio on. Many would say, why not read, or watch TV, but reading keeps me awake, and despite having over 100 TV channels there's usually crap on in the early morning. Late-night radio can be comforting and entertaining and mind-numbing (ie: sleep-inducing) all at the same time. The "African-language" radio stations always play old R 'n B songs; I hear a lot of Babyface and Luther ("Before this night is o-over") at 3 in the morning. And on a few occasions I noticed that one of the stations played the same song by different people; they played Have I Told You Lately by Joe Cocker and an hour later some other unidentifiable man was singing it. Why do they do this? Do they think those who were listening 15 minutes ago are gone to sleep? 5FM is usually the best bet, unless Bob Sinclar, Sean Paul, Ne-yo or some dumb dance song is on, which sees me temporarily checking out other stations. ECR is the worst; I heard Next's Too Close, Will Young's Evergreen, and Toto's Africa (twice!) in one go. It's like eating old maas, fish curry, papaya and a big bag of liquorice all together. An audience that accepts such a dodgy and stale playlist are a few treffers short of a bokjol party. We really need to move on, how much more of the old stuff can we take? How can they play Toto, and twice in one night?! Radio 2000 plays songs like Islands in the Stream and instrumental easy listening crap. I've secretly been listening to SAFM, mainly because they link up with radio stations around the world, which means that you hear people with fun accents, namely, the Russian with the gruff semi-American accent, and the Chinese newscasters who really do change their "l"s to "r"s. The thing that gets to me about listening to the world broadcast is that everyone speaks in hushed tones, like they know everyone in your house is asleep. And it sounds a bit like they're broadcasting from a cupboard. And they're way too clever for 3 AM. Recently they spoke to Jerry Seinfeld about his Bee Movie, and the interviewer was very serious and analytical about it, even his laughter sounded academic. I always seems to hear Tamil songs on Lotus during the early hours of morning - that's a little note for you, MJ :)

So late night radio helps me get over my insomnia to a certain degree. But I had the displeasure of hearing a freaky song a few weeks back: there I was, unable to sleep and french-braiding my hair, admiring my freshy-Veeted armpits in the mirror at the same time, and listening to the radio, (I know, I'm such a multi-tasker). A song came on, and I recognised Usher's voice. I'm not an Usher fan, so this was the first time I'd heard it, perhaps the rest of you have heard it before and this is like stale naan to you (I found these lyrics on AZ Lyrics, thanks, man.):

"Dot Com"

[VRS1:]Ooh, I love the way you dirty type

I can take you home on escape

Ooh, I need your backspace in my life

Thank God you don’t have a flat screen

[VAMP:]Please, baby I got to see you

And I really wanna please you

So get on my laptop so I can download

[HOOK:]Online, I love the way you log on

We can do it all night

I’ll make you dot com

Baby, if you sign on

I'ma make you light up

Ooh, Baby, if you log on

I’ll make you dot com

[VRS2:]I wanted to link up with you, baby at first sight

With you I get to use my f keys

I can’t wait to give you mega bytes

I got all the memory you’ll need

Let my fingers do the talking

[VAMP:]Please, baby I got to see you

And I really wanna please you

So get on my laptop so I can download

[HOOK:]Online, I love the way you log on

We can do it all night

I’ll make you dot com

Baby, if you sign on

I'ma make you light up

Ooh, Baby, if you log on

I’ll make you dot com

[BRIDGE:]Ooh, baby you want this I know

I can’t wait to give you my hard drive

My moonlight

If It’s alright, baby

I’m always at your window

Ready to shift and control you

If you want me to

Say yes, baby x4

Got to say, ooh

Say yes, baby

You got to say yes,

Yes

[VAMP:]Please, baby I got to see you

And I really wanna please you

So get on me baby, get up on me, oh

[HOOK:]Online, I love the way you log on

We can do it all night

I’ll make you dot com

Baby, if you sign on

I'ma make you light up

Ooh, Baby, if you log on

I’ll make you dot com

What the hell. Apparently it was released in 2005; I couldn't find much information on it besides the fact that it was not included on any of his albums. Perhaps I'm missing the point and not appreciative of suggestive language, but it sounded dof to me. Let me know what you think.

But, the insomnia seems to be slipping away, I've slept like an overweight and newly-fed baby the past week. Besides radio, I've also tried hot Milo, and these marvellous yellow pain tablets which knocked me out almost immediately. No, I did not take them for my insomnia, I was in pain from an emerging wisdom tooth...Speaking of teeth, I am currently stressing over mine, having knocked them in a bumper car incident on Sunday (don't even ask). They look fine, but as a former braces-wearing girl, I tend to get paranoid about my teeth. My dentist appointment is coming up, I'll have him take a look...

Love, radio waves and great teeth for all,

!Joe!

Friends at Nando's: A True Yet Fictitious Story

2007-11-14T03:07:00.000+02:00

MJ tells the gang in Nando's about the Pantene contract he landed...

MJ: So, yeah, I went for this awesome Pantene TV audition, and the bastards loved me, I tell you. Literally grabbed the hair off my 'nads.

SHIRAZ: dude, you told me this on mxit last night.

MJ: (ignores Shiraz) I wasn't even going to audition, but they saw my hair a few months ago at a one of these media seminars, do you remember how long I had left it? Yeah, they loved it so much they called me up...I was the only coolie among all of these blonde rugby players, and...

Q: Godddd,if I hear this story one more time i think i will puke out some chicken strips and rice with potato wedges and assorted dip...if I look in the other direction, and pretend the wall and it's every brick is bewitching, I'm sure he'll stop talking...Please, someone, change the subject now! I should have brought that Greek chocolate with me, I knew it...

Shubnum: I needed a plate like yesterday...how do they expect me to eat my KFC?

Waseem: I hope they bring my food soon, I'll give MJ some of my burger and then he'll stop talking about his Pantene thing...maybe I can use my eyes to signal to Shiraz and convince him to share chips with MJ and get him to stop talking...or maybe I can share the mousse with him when it comes...he does have good hair, though, and I don't mean that in a gay way...

MJ: Go on, feel it, Waseem, feel it, I just washed it...

Waseem: Uh, no, hehe...he...no.

Love and memorable ex-peri-ences,

!Joe!

Prentjies Vir Julle!

2007-11-12T02:56:00.000+02:00

I hope my Afrikaans was correct, my second-language capabilities have deteriorated...I used to be so fluent I was almost a Jeandre Oosthuizen...I hope no one googles that, ooh...

Someone threatened to pee on abandoned blogs, so I am posting to prove that this blog has not been abandoned, only slightly neglected in that "I'm going to party don't wait up don't forget to change your sister's nappy and do your homework" way. So here are some pictures I thought I'd share because I share things, besides men and underwear, cos that's wrong and gross respectively.

PRENTJIE 1!

I saw this in the Times on Thursday...it's an ad for an incense factory/shop thingie:

So, they have incense sticks named after P Diddy songs...even the homeopaths can't escape. I was surprised to see they sell cannabis sticks...imagine what future kathams will be like...

UNCLE 1: Woah, you are the uber-dada for bringing me kheer in this cup of cups! (peers into polystyrene cup)

UNCLE 2: Kheer?

UNCLE 1: Ya, and you got it before the ladies, our duas have been heard, first unbroken jalebi, now fresh kheer ...this house is so blessed, B-L-Essed man...

UNCLE 2: (mystified) But...I brought dhall, man...

UNCLE 1: Woah...that's so Biblical...(stares at uncle 2 with new-found respect) you are the uber-dada...

Not like kathams aren't like that, anyway...

PRENTJIE 2! En 3!

So Mary J Blige was here a few weeks back, and like, duh, you can't take a camera inside the ICC, so like, duh, we used a cellphone...hence the stolen footage look of these pictures...and as is the case with Mary, we all got lessons in not needin' a man, movin' on wich yo' life, and lovin' yo'self...and we shared in her pain, her joy, her triumph, her dramas... I find No More Drama plays in my head whenever I come across melodramatic situations and people...so obviously I had to go :) I also think she's one of those artists you have to see live or you'll regret it forever...No, Enrique doesn't count...he was on the following night, and I don't feel like I missed out on anything...

Mary was, to quote MJ, "awesome." Mary loved us, too, she told us, "you don't know what y'all have done for me...I was down..." and she bent down and cried...she sang her 90's stuff, like Real Love (there was a mass sing-along for this as well as I'm Going Down...well, for many others too, but these were well-sung sing-alongs...) and her newer ones, like Be Without You, One (minus U2), and We Ride. My sis, ever-tiny dancer that she is, danced with people surrounding her, and even managed to find out that one of the ladies next to us came to the concert with a slimey work colleague she did not like, who apparently, had too much to drink. That's my sister for you... I tried recording some of Mary on my phone, but when I got home and played it back, all I could hear was my sister's voice, singing along to No More Drama...really badly...When Mary disappeared without singing Family Affair, sister and new friend on her right complained loudly...Mary came back (not that she'd heard us), dressed in a yellow top, and sang, among others, Family Affair...

And then she was gone, the concert seemingly over...People started "Mary! Mary! Mary!" -ing, and all of a sudden, Busta Rhymes popped up on the screen, (pre-recorded stuff) and asked if if we wanted to see more Mary...well, duh, Busta, we shouted back. "I can't hear y'all!" he said a few times...All of a sudden, the floor started shaking with "Touch It"...the bass was unbelievable, my rib cage and my teeth were literally moving inside (gotta love that bass!)...and Mary J re-emerged, prancing all over the stage, her voice showing no signs of fatigue...she also proved that with a voice like hers you don't need a grand stage, spectacular lighting and numerous costume changes; all she had was her band. That's entertainment for you, to quote someone who said that. She did not sing All that I Can Say, which I was waiting for, but I loved the concert anyway...My pa missed it, poor thing listens to The Breakthrough in the car all the time...he loves telling everyone "Take Me as I Am," especially when he farts alot :D But I tend to relate stories with all its details added (not here though), so it's almost as if he was there:)

So I blogged, yeah baby! I must go, it's very late, and I have an interview tomorrow morning, ooh...I am so nervous man, so any duas and cakes of consolation would be appreciated...I'd like the duas more though. Please let me remember what I want to be doing in 10 years time (in case they ask)...

Love, Mary J, P Diddy incense, and successful job-obtaining interview luck,

!Joe!

What I Did Last Weekend

2007-11-01T04:28:00.000+02:00

Last weekend I went to the movies with my friends MJ, Q, Waseem, Shiraz and Dew. We went to see Superbad. Before the movie we ate at Nando's. I did not eat because I ate chicken curry at home. Dew brought KFC into the Nando's. We were scared because you can only eat Nando's at Nando's. They did not shout at us because all chicken is the same. I ate chocolate mousse. It tasted like ice-cream. The movie was very enjoyable. My favourite character was the fat boy. He was very funny. After the movie I ate Dinky Doghnuts. Mj had 1 and Waseem had 6. I had 5. It was Shiraz's birthday on Saturday. We shook his hand on Friday because we were not invited to the braai on Saturday. Shiraz has a dimple. Waseem also has a dimple. They are brothers.
MJ also taught us how to say Om Shanti.

On Saturday my neighbour's sister got married. She is also my neighbour. The hall was beautiful and had white fairy lights hanging from the ceiling. The tables were white and decorated with red roses. The food was delicious. I ate soup, samoosas, soji, chicken, mutton, roti, pickle, and cake. The cake tasted like sponge. I sat next to an old lady. She dropped coke in the soji and fruit juice in the soup. I did not eat soji and soup after that. The wedding cake had white chocolate rolls and roses on top. The bride was very pretty. They played Kenny G when she came in. My ma did not like the music. I had a very enjoyable weekend.

!Joe!

I Need to Pee; This Post Will Be Quick

2007-10-26T03:00:00.000+02:00

Hey, y'all, (not the Indian y'all, the L'il Wayne y'all)

I just wanted to say hi, do a little pee jig and so on...new developments so far, which shall be elaborated on/upon/whatever soon:

My good friend Rees is gone to Budapest for 3 months :):( sad for us, great for her...lol, yes, former drama student loves the paradox of the :):( it's our symbol, yo...I sent her a few necessary phrases, like "Ellopták a táskámat!" (my bag was stolen!) to "Nem beszélek magyarul!"(I don't speak Hungarian!)...I also taught her to say "Köszönöm szépen" (Thank you very much) like Elvis :) hopefully by the end she and I will be able to curse each other and order mutton biryani in Hungarian :)
I had a sweet chilli twister from KFC today, which was yummy if you overlooked the fresh, pink uncooked chicken piece halfway through...my pa had a colonel burger :D the "gaps" lady who served us called out to the "chefs" at the back, "ONE SWEET CHILLI TWISTA AND ONE CO-LO-NEL BURGER!!!" In my snobby mind I had assumed everyone would pronounce "colonel" as "kernel"...
I know it's not that new, but my MINDMUSIC for a while has been The Click Five's "Jenny" it's such a catchy song, it will play in your head the whole day and you'll only realise it when you're on the bog...it's slightly puzzling though; it sounds a bit happy and cheery but the lyrics go "She calls me baby, then she won't call me. Says she adores me and then ignores me. Jenny, what's the problem?" and goes on to say it's killing him, poor thing..But I've never really cared for lyrics, it's the choon that grabs me, baby :) eish, i need to pee...

Love and pee jigs...Jó éjszakát (Good night)

!Joe!

A Late Happy Birthday to MJ!!!

2007-10-19T02:57:00.000+02:00

I know it's late, his birthday was over two weeks ago but...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MJ!

with sparkly bits and chocolate chunks and Spur barbecue sauce...:)

I did not write a birthday post for the lovely bugger, and he nudged me slightly, like the pony he is, and reminded me that I hadn't mentioned the miracle of his birth. I felt swak, especially after the beautiful blog banner that he wrote for me...aww:) I hope we can spend more time celebrating your birthday; handing you your present in the dark of the cinema is not what I'd call a celebration... I know you must be getting used to the whole 25 thing, I hope your 25th year only has happy days and fuzzy sensations...that sounded weird...I think I wished you many times over, my wishing-well of birthday messages has run dry...

Ok, so I was gonna blog some other picture but I changed my mind :) I still have to give you my card thingie...I know, I do not prepare well...:( but this post is all about you, and those who still feel like they need to get rid of the extra "it's MJ's birthday!" joy, you may leave a comment anywhere on this blog, leave it somewhere tricky, like a post from a month ago...:) I wish I could have added some glitter here...I can't believe you're 25...no, I can, I just wanted to add my aunty's breasts' 50cents here:) smaak jou stukkend, Junzi!!!

Love and nostalgic yearnings for the 30th day in September,

!Joe!

Belated Eid Mubarak...

2007-10-15T03:18:00.000+02:00

Hello everyone!

I hope you all had a lovely Eid, mine wasn't too bad, I ate in moderation and only drank 3 glasses of Coke, yay, I applaud myself for that! Gave a single Eid parcel to my aunt, cos she rocks :) Had my 10-year-old niece drop a glass of Sprite near me, which annoyed and shocked me at the same time due to the crash of glass and the new outfit being sprayed in a fine Sprite mist...my ma fell off to sleep at my aunt's house, poor thing...we waded through decades of photographs at my cousin's house, and found out I look like similar to one of my pa's sisters when she was younger :O it seems dof to not know it, but I'd never seen a pic of her at that age...also received Eidee which was amazing, cos I never used to get any when I was younger, and suddenly all my relatives where shoving notes into my hand...I have an aunt who used to give us 50c each when we were small :) it used to be funny...what used to be funny and sweet was getting money from the aunt who kept her money in her bra...I used to debate which was better, cold 50c, or warm R2 coins from the dairies...the R2 coins used to also have this lovely powdery smell, just like my aunt...I got to see my brand new niece, Fatima, who was all smiley and fascinated by my pa’s facial expressions. She wanted to sleep, but my pa stopped her, telling her it was family tradition to go to sleep at midnight and not 10pm, cos that’s just lame :D

I cut my hair on Thursday, and it hasn't been this short in a while. It was sad washing it; my hands kept falling short, and its very light and fluffy, like whisked egg and sugar. Oh, the best bit was the treatment part of my haircut :) They wrapped my head in cling wrap and sat me between these hot lobster claw thingies, I felt a bit like those children in Signs, daring the aliens to read my mind. And my ma's hair was sectioned off and covered in foil; the more I looked at her the more she looked like a stegosaurus. Personally, the triceratops look was always my favourite...Anyway, between my cling wrap and her foil; we looked like a pair of pantomime school lunches. I just let the hairdresser do her thing, giving her the instructions "not too short", "slight layering" and "make it look nice." :)

And now we go back to eating...what better way to celebrate the first day of eating by going to Spur :D A cheddarmelt burger and a baked potato, and I am on my way to regaining pre-fast weight. Not that I did lose any weight. I am built strangely in that I don't put on much weight nor do I gain any. I am so Hairspray John Travolta in-waiting...that happens to girls like me. One day we're ok, and the next we look ready to take over a certain talk show at 17:30 during the weekdays on SABC 3...complete with frizzy hair and anonymous callers.

So, my Eid was slightly uneventful and rushed…we definitely need to leave the house earlier next Eid…

Love, sweetmeats and daytime eating,

!Joe!

Overexposed at the Botanic Gardens

2007-10-07T01:19:00.000+02:00

Here are the Parlotone pics I promised! I've added a few only; I have more that I'd love to blog, but they're more or less the same, band on stage, band on stage, kahn, kahn again etc. What a lovely way to celebrate my birthday that weekend, aah...They rocked, as rockers do, and I am a bigger Parlotones fan than before. As mentioned before, my sister danced, and I nerdily took as many pics of Kahn as I could. But, obviously taking photos in a crowd doesn't always work out right; I seriously need to learn how to take take action shots...

The concert was part of the Mr Price Music at the Lake series, and took place at the usual location for cool bands nowadays, the Botanic Gardens. They've hosted Just Jinger (which I sadly missed, waaah!), Freshlyground (no waaah! here, I saw them at the Rob concert last year) and Watershed before (ok, Watershed ain't that hot). I find it peculiar though; why would a sanctuary for sensitive fauna and flora want to host something as noisy as a concert? The gardens have plants that react to sound, touch, smell...and the people who take care of it are probably the sort who don't want you whispering near the bamboos and mimosas and birdies...So how do they feel about huge speakers being plunked on luscious patches of grass and having the birds scared the hell out of their nests with loud music and hulking humans trampling through their neighbourhood? Bird flew above us in strange patterns. Not in a foreboding way, but they were probably perturbed by the activity. Or perhaps it was the storm brewing above us...

The Black Hotels opened the show, and like the Indians we are, we forced our way to the front to get a better view (we arrived 15 minutes late). The band was ok, but what really impressed me was their female bass guitarist...she was so cooooooool, I wanna be her. The lead singer mixed up the name of their song "Natalie" with the name of another female...:) I knew a Natalie once, she used to leave the "g"s out at the end of certain words, ie: "good mornin," "i'm goin," and "I'm not givin you nothin." Sorry, tangential asides...

And then came the Parlotones!!! It was so surreal, seeing them live...yes, I have this weird hero worship thing going on in my life. But, come on, you can't tell me you wouldn't feel a tinge of excitment when seeing someone famous in the flesh. I don't enjoy it in that "AAAGH, I'm gonna collapse/die right now cos I just saw Danny K in Checkers!" way, but the slight Twilight Zone sensation is nice from time to time. I just love waving at them...When I saw Shaleen Surtie-Richards in Cardies I waved at her like she was Quraisha. Then we took a pic with her :P And you have no idea how hard I waved at Alan Shearer through the window of his Venture when he was at Solly M Sport in town...lol, I am a stalker!:D:D:D yeah, I'm a waving stalker...Stalk waving mad, lol...

But back to the concert...Kahn looked slightly different from pictures I'd seen of him, a little more meat on his bones, but wearing the trademark scarf and eyeliner...and the performance was energetic and bouncy and real, which helped dispell some of that annoying folky hippy energy I felt from the crowd earlier on. Just the right amounts of pop and rock. I took out a bunch of blurry double-edged pictures (due to the constant energy and movement) which made me go grrrr...someone needs to show me how to use this camera...The Parlotones are a brilliant live act, singing the favourites (and some new) songs as you know them...Here Comes the Man, Funny Face and Dragonflies and Astronauts, as well as Giant Mistake, which has that lovely soaring vocal bit...

As for the audience, there were some craaaaaaazzy fans...two men (yes, men) were jumping and leaping off each others' backs...creating their own two-man mosh pit...obviously, it was a little scary, even the band were transfixed for a while...and the hippy man with Jesus hair turned hopping and skipping into a new dance form. I also saw a girl trying to bump and grind her way through "Colourful"...my sister frowned and said "I never knew it was possible to skank dance at a Parlotones concert." Laughed at the Indian boys trying to dance as best as they could...poor things were doing that uncertain swaying movement that says that they really want to dance but are afraid of looking like 1)idiots and/or 2) Indians.

The cool guitarist from the Black Hotels...

Kahn shows us his spirit fingers...

Ok, so i have loads of the same lookin' pics, but you can never have enough pictures of a eyelined band...

Count the Indians!This was a general crowd pic that now looks like a "I am spying on the token Indian boys at a concert" pic...no, I did not find them cute...

So that was me doing my bit for SA music. I still wish I had seen Just Jinger live, as well as Springbok Nude Girls, seeing them live would be even better...Oh well, I guess I'll have to wait for them to visit again...

Love and SA music,

!Joe!

Hello...Is It Me You're Looking For?

2007-10-04T00:28:00.000+02:00

Ugh, I hate that song...

I've been absent. OH wanted me to blog ages ago. I said OK. But I couldn't get into my blog. And now I must sleep. Soon I will blog. Soon. I hope. Please don't sing the title song. Sing something else. Here. Sing Do They Know It's Christmas Time, that Bob Geldof one. I am making ECR suggestions. I hate ECR. All those with ECR nightmares, raise a hand. Now use it to tune into 103.8 (Durban). Better already. Sing a good tune, I will blog soon.

Love,

!Joe!

Ramadaan Mubarak...

2007-09-14T02:49:00.000+02:00

...to everyone...Hope it goes well for everyone. I am sick, but will be ok enough to fast. Why did I have so many ice-cold lemonades the past few days...I hate not being able to talk loudly :(:(:( Gonna insure my voice after this...

I don't know what else to say. Socrates, Cassandra, Freire. Ya...

Love and loads of enthusiasm,

!Joe!

Special Days and Other Miscellany

2007-09-10T03:40:00.000+02:00

I wrote a random list. Not for That Day, but just a list of things that have been on my mind recently.

I need to watch 3 films: The Simpsons, The Bourne Ultimatum, and Hairspray. Yes, I am slow.

I want to eat candy floss.

I want to eat coconut ice fudge from the Fudge Factory.

I want to eat pasta, preferably a creamy one. Yum.

I want to eat a heavenly "I could die right now" dessert, preferably something syrupy or caramelly, like a hot toffee pudding with ice-cream. Mmmm.

I want to go on a gondola at uShaka. I hardly go there, and when I do, it's usually too late to take a gondola ride thingie.

I want to wear my pretty dress.

I think I'm going to be wearing my pretty dress, most definitely.

Other things on my mind in the way of:

Advertisements: Have you seen Matthew Fox in the L'Oreal Men Expert ad? He looks so genuinely embarrassed to be in it. I cringe when he says "you're worth it," you can see he doesn't want to say it, he has that "I can't believe I'm saying this I'm on Lost people and I was a Party of Five-r I ain't saying sheeet" and suddenly it squeezes past his lips as he succumbs to thoughts of the money he's getting for it. I swear it sounds like air being released from a rubber tube, there's that "prrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhewww" sound...I don't know why I see/hear that in my head...but I feel kinda bad for him and his great skin, shame...

Ask Asha: I haven't read her column for a while (I think I saw one too many stuffed prawn heads and spinach parcel recipes in the past), but something drew me to it...a woman, V.I., decided to "Ask Asha":
"Dear Asha,
Thank you for a lovely column. I read it every weekend without fail. I would appreciate it if you could give me a recipe for mutton dhal gos, the way the Muslims make it." Hehehe, made me smile...

Ludacris: I found out he and I share more than just a love of cornrows. Check his vital stats. We are special, indeed.

Thank yous: Thanks to This Ou for saving me this week:) Everythin's peachy in ma PC, yo. I cried like the sissie girl I am (via mxit emoticons) and you helped (via mxit). Here's loaf of bread from my FB bakery. Now "map" it! :D

Good Luck: To Q for her presentation on Wednesday!!! Bugger all group members! All I'm going to say is, first female president, yo...:)

The Parlotones: My sis and Brand-New Bro-in-Law (BNBL) took me to see them live at the Botanic Gardens yesterday! They were awesome!!! I will put the pics up soon...can't believe I saw Kahn live in the eyelined flesh...yes, we were 3 of 20 Indians there, but it was a cool experience; it was like a mini Woodstock minus the boobs, sex, drugs, nudity, dirt, etc. In other words, a calm Splashy. Lots of weird dance moves from the white folk (Sorry, I love y'all, but the dancin'...). Eish, my sister danced like a white guy (intentionally), hehehe...:)

Joe's Mind Music for this week is:

BIG GIRL (YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL)

'Cos I love Mika...not more than Rob, but, you know...

Love, lists, special days and a Funny Face,

!Joe!

Dundee: Where the Rural Horses Party

2007-08-31T02:35:00.000+02:00

So I know I should've done this post as soon as it happened, but I just did not want to go near this until I was ready. Now I am. Yes, it's old news, then. Not exactly Post material, but still available at the Roti Den for those in Laudium, and everywhere for those in Durban...

Every year, Dundee holds a rural horse-riding event. I ended up at this year's event at the urgings of my Ma, who told me, "You can ride the horses!" So I was all, "Yay, horsies!" and my My Little Pony dreams came rushing back, cherry-tattooed butts et al. (I had the one with the cherries delicately painted on her bum and pinky-orangey-red hair and accompanying birthday party paraphernalia). I packed loads of old clothing, (ie: all my clothes), my trusty Camph, crossed my fingers and hoped Dundee would not be "one Foschini and a general store."( sing to the tune of "Two Turntables and a Microphone.")

Dundee was one KFC and a battlefield. We entered the town listening to the BeeGees "Don't Forget to Remember Me" on Lotus FM (I know), and it went so well with the lone KFC that I filmed it as we drove past...my bro, the TV production intern, responded with a smile and said "It looks very Texas Chainsaw Massacre-ish...nice. " OK, perhaps I'm being too dramatic, it's not that scary in Dundee, but the weather was evil: high, whistling winds that threatened to take my hair out, biting cold, the smell of veld fires destroying life nearby...This is a shakey car-picture of a veld fire close to where we were staying...

To top things off, I had a massive headache the night we arrived...I'm sure that headaches like that are the number one cause of all cracked skulls. The next day was spent trying to find a new facial expression to hide the zombie-look...

Pictures 1 (above, I hope you can see the horse) and 3 were taken on the second day, just outside our room at a lovely local lodge. I couldn't get too close to the horses here because of the electrical fence, but I did get a cow pic in :) I remembered my childhood ambition of one day playing Aravis in The Horse and his Boy...I'm too old now:( Not too old to peek through the fence like a tourist and whisper "Horsey...come here, horsey" though...if you look carefully at this picture you'll see a few cows...somewhere behind the trees...

Clever, sickly and freshly-bathed me decided to stand on the edge of the racing lane (is that what it's called?) during the race, not realising that, when the horses thunder past, they kick up so much dust you can't see the horses too well for a few minutes, hence the weird and not too good race pic. Thank goodness for cool cameras:) I looked a bit like an anthill once the dust settled. Thank goodness for my huge quilted jacket:) I was too sick to even consider riding a horse, but decided to take some pics...the lone hand you see touching the horse is me; I looked ill, so I cut myself out :) But take solace in the fact that you get to see my hand...not the stuff of hand models, but it's something.

The horse participating in the races were "noble steeds," muscular, rippling and all...horse-power. The horses in the pictures below were similar in size to miniature ponies. Despite being rural, they were incredibly snobbish. I thought, so that's why Alan Strang poked their eyes out...jokes, baby, just jokes! :D The chestnut pair (below) did not want to be touched by anyone but the stablehand guy...once they were sure I was cool ,they moved a bit closer, sniffed and doe-eyed me...they didn't seem to like my Pa much. The white horse was so gorgeously dweeby I had to get a picture of him :)

Whenever I venture out of Durban and into inland KwaZulu-Natal, I fall in love with the beauty of the surroundings - the mountains, the animals and vegetation/trees/plants/flora thingies, the clean and sweet air (minus the veld-fired air, of course)...KwaZulu-Natal is the loveliest place in the world :) Vegetation is still more or less green in winter, and even Dundee is not as bitterly cold as Johannesburg...it's a place of serenity and gratitude and...nice stuff that I can't think of right now. This will sound completely mad and drug-infused, but I think being in rural KwaZulu-Natal is the closest I will get to feeling what Rebecca Malope feels every time she sings/cries/cry-sings...no, not a closeness to Jesus, but the joyous...celebration of being alive...I'm not plugging any gospel groups, it's just an apt term to use here...I sound like a Jesus Dome-goer now...perhaps I should balance this off with zome Zain Bhika...oh well, despite my poor health, I was still able to appreciate Dundee's natural beauty and their strangely attractive horse race...

Love, Equus eye-pokes and "lotsa rural charm in the countryyyy!",

!Joe!

The OrganHarvester Thinks I'm Cool, Woah...

2007-08-24T02:40:00.000+02:00

That gracious harvester of organs, Organ Harvester, has awarded me 100 "The Organharvester Thinks You're Cool" points! (See comment page, romance novel post) It's been a while since I was awarded anything...now all I need to do is work out how to get the other 900 points to make it into The OH Appreciation Club...I really want that certificate and picture...:)

People never wanted me in their tutorial/project groups on campus!...these cool points will show them! :D I'm just playin', I had peeps...:D

Thank you, OH, I don't know what to say...except...the cool points are out the window and I'm all twisted up in the game...

Love and cool points,

!Joe!

Hippy Bithday Zuleikha!

2007-08-21T01:17:00.000+02:00

Ok, I'm fine, I'm done with the ranting...so...

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY ZULEIKHA!

OK, it sounds like a surprise birthday party in here...

I cannot believe she's 21 now! She's always been so mature, independent and intelligent, it's hard to believe she's only getting into her 20s now...I remember being nerdy and dramatic and moody when I turned 21...yes, I know, I haven't changed, yes, I know, ok?! My wish on your birthday is to one day have some of your leadership skills:)

Hippy bithday to the talented and inspiring Zuleikha; some of your dreams have come true, so I suppose it's just a matter of time now...I hope 21 brings more success and love and happiness, cos 20 was packed with all that...:)

Love from the mad !Joe!

MIND MUSIC: ROBBIE WILLIAMS - SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL

I hate This

2007-08-20T03:30:00.000+02:00

Here I am writing a long blog post for my friend Zu's birthday, and blogger can't submit my info...

MOTHEREFFERS.

!Joe!

Why Do the Men on Romance Novels Look Like Victor Matfield?

2007-08-17T00:36:00.000+02:00

My sister, now a married woman, signed up for a 12 month subscription to a home magazine while attending a bridal fair/convention a few months ago. I take it her hormone levels were up to her ears at the time. This magazine is domesticated, crafty, food recipe, HRT. My ma loves it though, with all it's lovely decor and design tips...But that isn't really my problem with the magazine. I think it's cool too, seeing as I was crowned Ms Art and Craft 2007 in one of my other posts.

My problem was with the accompanying FREE! book.

The free book was...free...for new subscribers, obviously because the PR people from the publishing company wanted to get rid of it, like, NOW.

It was a romance novel, called something toxic (I won't mention the name), and, claimed to be a "special edition." The author is apparently a best-selling one. Actually, I didn't read it; i just skipped chunks of it as I would have laughed at myself mercilessly if I'd read each page. Ha, you crazy old cow, you actually read every word, you knew it wasn't even a real book!

I know I'm taking forever to get to the point, but the point is here now.

It was terrible. Most of the adult fiction you find at least tries to make up for the lack of book with extravagantly embossed covers. We get Victor Matfield-look alikes on those - strong, browned chest and vibrant hair. Twin double-decker bus thighs. Speed-bump He-Man arms suffocating the half-naked heroine. This book cover didn't even try to distract us from the crap within. All we got was a blue side bar, a Lori Loughlin wannabe in Mum jeans and some guy who looked a bit like the guy who played Amy Fisher's lover in that TV film...No, not Jack Scalia the other guy...:)
The story itself was thin and undeveloped...the imagery created by the language, the characters, the so-called plot...It was like porn trying to have a storyline. Except, in porn films, at least you get the porn...Can you imagine reading something like this:

"He worked on the salad, cutting carrots, onions, and added it to the torn
pieces of romaine lettuce. They usually tried to make fifty salads a night.
Whatever was left was used at lunchtime the next day. Tomatoes would be added
just before serving. There was nothing he hated more than cold mushy tomatoes in a salad."

and

"Their eyes met. [puke]. Hers were big and grey,
he thought, and filled with something he couldn't identify. he frowned. what was
it? concern? fear?...She smiled. "Hi" she said. he liked her voice."

Or what about "life force" and "love pat"? Life Force sounds like Star Wars lingo...Duh, I understand what it means, but...life force???

The guy goes on to ask the woman what she'd like to eat at his so-called five star Italian restaurant. She says "Pasta." Yeah baby, pasta. He goes on to read the menu for her, calling out names of Italian dishes one can buy from the small Italian food section at Kiki's. Pizza. Macaroni and cheese. Spaghetti. Wow.

Obviously, something happens that sees the main characters drifting away from each other, then making their way back into each other's arms in an ending so soppy it feels like you had a bath in warm spit. And then the last page says "Did you enjoy this book?" and then suggests you read the next book the author is currently crapping out...Of course there's a formula with romance novels, duh, but please...I felt insulted reading this; it's almost as if the author is using the romance novel formula from the 80s...the formula that includes turning the novel into a rose-blurred Hallmark film starring Hayley Mills in pleated pants and George Hamilton with his never-fading tan...I don't read romance novels because of the predictability and the high puke risk and the lack of a great "hook", but I'm sure those who do would love to read something that doesn't make them feel like small-town housewives with nothing better to do...

OK, I'm going. Please, don't suggest I try writing a romance novel and find out how difficult it is. I bet if I did try it would be exactly like this novel, give or take a "love pat" or two. I'll probably call it something like "The Kid is Not My Son" :) And my nom de plume can be Prairie Sutherland...
Oh: Is it just me, or do most of the men on the covers of adult fiction novels look like Victor Matfield? Obviously you can't know the answer to this question...it's not a real question, anyway...:)

Love Forever and Always (A new title by Prairie Sutherland, coming soon)

!Prairie!/!Joe!

MINDMUSIC: STOP ME - MARK RONSON (NOT COS HE WORKED WITH ROBBIE WILLIAMS)

B

2007-08-13T02:33:00.000+02:00

A friend of mine was involved in a car accident a month ago. I only found out on Friday evening. Reese called me, crying; she said B's name and started to tell me what had happened. I waited for the bad news; bad news has been common in my life for a while now. But B wasn't dead, thank God; she sustained many serious injuries that were horrific and almost always guarantee death in some people. She's bedridden, having damaged a few vertebrae, and has been through many procedures to patch things up on her face and head. But she's alive, and that is all that matters.

Reese and I visited her at home on Saturday afternoon...I was so afraid that the person I would see would be a broken B, a B I did not recognise. B has always been bubbly, friendly, extroverted, the sort of person who only gives off light and positivity and has always been very spiritual. She had every right to be angry, bitter and vengeful, seeing as she was the victim. I think I had mentally prepared myself for that.

But B was happy, and talking and laughing and joking and alive...I don't often hear the people close to me label bad things that happen to them as "blessings". She really meant it. She glowed when she said it. She was so positive about everything, from her spinal injuries, to the fact that can't do basic things for herself, like get a glass of water or switch a light off or bath herself. She could only see the good that had come from the accident, and had even joked with her doctors about her "sexy" nose. She thanked God for giving her such an excellent team of doctors, and her family, who had been unbelievably selfless when she needed them most. And for someone who'd been in a terrible car accident just a month ago, she looked good, she still looked like the B I knew. She had healed miraculously well, and I know it is because of her positivity, her complete gratitude and faith, that has made it so. I know this isn't of much interest to others, but I decided to share it because of B's attitude to life; not many of us can see the things we should be grateful for, and here she is, back brace and in pain most of the time, full of strength and determination, moving on and embracing the good things in her life right now.

Love,

!Joe!

Advertising Space

2007-08-04T04:10:00.000+02:00

So, here's that post I've been promising you lot...yes, the one about my internship at a really lovely advertising company...my Facebook friends have probably vomited over the number of pics I have of my time there, but for those who have not had the pleasure of receiving an invitation to my FB world, I shall now recreate it as a provocative piece of image theatre entitled "Advertising Space: How Joe Negotiated Her Way Around A World-Class Agency, Engaged in Dialogue with Creative Types, and Consummated her Love for Below-the Line Advertising by Writing Point-of-Sale Copy"...you may refer to it as Advertising Space, but then it means I wasted my time coming up with the beautiful and summarative title...I don't think there is such a word as summarative, but what is this life if we cannot make up our own words...and so, on to...ADVERTISING SPACE!

The buildings were emblazoned with the words "Good is the enemy of great." Wow, we thought, these people are serious about greatness. The chalky outlines of "Good" bodies splayed in various locations attest to their seriousness...Mother E told us "We don't want to be good, good holds us back! Good is not our friend! We must pursue greatness till he is sweating and cramping!" OK, I'm lying she didn't say that, but that's more or less the feeling you get at this place:) it's not a tiring feeling, it's an energising feeling; you feel like you couldn't do anything else but great work here, surrounded by all these happy, shiny people holding hands...:)

I worked in the below-the-line division called "Tequila" with the male and female toilets differentiated by Marilyn Monroe and Marilyn Manson pictures:)... every Friday our department was the place to be! Pule, one of the graphic designers, would blast his cool house choons, and everyone would be workin' and singin' and smilin' and jivin'...aah, good times, baby, good times...I worked under a junior copywriter named Tish; I was so friggin' scared of her when I first met her 'cos she was very serious...I came to realise that she was that way because she was holding constant brainstorming sessions in her mind...she and I bonded over the fact that we both call all unknown men "uncles;" in fact, she called all their clients "uncles" :D She taught me that it's OK to talk to MDs about your ideas using the words "uncles" "scheme" and "hell's bells" (as in "Hell's bells!...OK, I scheme we give these uncles a few more options to choose from") I wanted to get her that AC/DC album :) I worked on many campaigns, which I won't mention in case I'm not supposed to...but I wrote some stuff, stuff that many of you will not read, mainly because it's below-the-line and not...above:D it's the stuff you usually don't pay attention to, like posters and shelf strips in supermarkets :) I also helped write copy for a well-known bra, ooh :)

I got to work with Anonymous Indian Guy(there weren't that many Indians working there, just Anonymous Indian Guy, Tish Copywriter, Pinky the bandanna'd IT lady, Heidi the Tequila Motion aunty, Eric the Illustrator, Mo Graphic Designer, PR Novi, and Ismail The Jazzy Bhai) who gave us a talk on below-the-line advertising...Zuleikha and I laughed our heads off when he told us how their work "put a smile on the kids' faces"...he pronounced "kids" like "lids" :D he was quiet but very passionate about advertising...by the way, he's anonymous on this blog because he's in a senior position:)...anyway, I bugged him alot during my first week there, poor bugger:)

Sadly, I did not get to work with HOT Jon from the in-house production side of my division...he was HOT. Dimples. Cleft. Long dark eyelashes. Abs. HOT.

The colourful wall above was part of the PR and media department, which could be a really nice place for Muslim ladies to work because no men work on this floor:) there were always free expensive gifts for the media and associated people lying about, and beautiful boxes and innovative packaging in which to put them...and I'm like Ms Art and Craft 2007, so it was like all my stationery shop dreams had come true...can you imagine seriously needing gift idea books like "Dainty Bags and Boxes" and "Beautiful Gift Ideas for You!"? These were like setworks in this department...I knew I should have got into PR...

What grossed me out while working there was the colossal amount of bacon and banana sandwiches consumed by everyone! Bacon and banana! Who came out with that? OK, I know some people eat bacon and stuff, and I shouldn't judge them cos my Hindu friends don't tell me I'm gross for loving steak and roti...but bacon and banana! Eish...

And how can I forget to mention the Friday evening parties! These were usually held at Point Break/Backline Bar (the loungey-bar area, not the movie), and everyone looked forward to them. Even the clients would sometimes quietly ask if they could attend :) The party would start at 4; there'd be lots of clock-watching at 15:30, the ladies poshing up in the bathroom, even those in charge would be seriously reminding everyone "guys, its 4, hey, let's go," and by 15:55 the office would be almost empty...

And there's the crew above! Well, not everyone, Zuleikha, Michelle, Catherine, S'thembiso, Grant (illovo iGrant!) and I were left out, :( but it's all good... Intern Mark from the AAA School of Advertising got me a cow key-ring as part of our gift circle...awwww:) As for Lone Muslim Boy (I mentioned him a few posts ago), he entertained me alot; well, not directly...he had a thing for my friend:) I know it's horrible of me to laugh, but how could I not when his pick-up line of choice was "Don't worry, we'll have Nando's together......soon." :D I mean, Nando's is...cool and stuff..but, I don't know..my friend was always more of a pie and chips girl...

Oooh, I wrote alot today. Crap. Look at it, it's like, words upon words. Upon words. Wow. I promise not to blog in a while-let's get really sick and tired of visiting this page and seeing this post at the top...oh wait. I think I did that before, sorry...I'll just go now...but this was my internship, not all of it, but some of it...

Good is the enemy of great...good times, baby, good times...

Love,

!Joe!

New Addition (well, not so new)

2007-08-02T07:08:00.000+02:00

The Was reminded me of my Livejournal days, when I used to have a lovely little label thingie at the bottom of every post telling the reader what music I was listening to...I shall be doing that herrrr again...and the first song to be put up, on this here bloggie, iii-iiis...

Calvin Harris's "Acceptable in the 80s"!!!

"I got lurve for you, if you were born in the aaighties, the aaighties..." hehehe...I love this song! NB: this song will be loved by a certain person in 4 months time, after it has come and gone, depending on his mood...;) No, I won't be naming him anytime soon, just know that it is a HIM...and in case you're wondering, I am not a music whore, dissing the BeeGees and sleeping with newbies like Mika, I just like keeping up with the newest music...

I got hugs for you if you were born in the 80s...

Love

!Joe!

I was told this here blog was a-lonely looking...

2007-07-24T01:58:00.000+02:00

Aw, my poor bloggie! Mummy is so sorry she left you alone for so long! But Mummy would never forget about you, you're Mummy's baby!

Sorry, I had to assuage my poor blog...tsk, tsk, and tsk again...how can a person be so neglectful! I entered my blog address in fear, not knowing what would come up...luckily I came armed with duster and rainbow scourers to clean up the cobwebs and fine dust that settled in the corners...if any of you have Cobra floor polish with you could you please lend it to me...this floor needs a good polish! See, that's what you get for wanting posh varnished floors...

Housekeeping aside, I was really really busy, as my Facebook photos will attest to. I have plenty more, but I'm not sure if I should put them all up in case I look like I have no life, taking out all those pics...I will do a post on my adventures in the world of advertising soon, but first...

Some factions have accused this blogger of boycotting their movement/blog (You know who you are) so I have decided to put up some photos of said faction, on a recent night out with A Mutual Friend, in order to appease...said...faction...:) hope you like them...

Picture 1: Q hunts for MJ and Joe, while MJ and Joe giggle and take pics of lost Q from mezzanine level above...

Picture 2 and 3: MJ and Q play Pirates of the Caribbean, Q laughs at MJ's lack of XBox skills...

Picture 4: Playstation clearly knew who would hold this box...;)

Ah, fun, fun...anyway, I will be back, don't worry...I've got loads to tell you!

Love,

!Joe!

Joe Has Been Busy

2007-06-23T00:48:00.000+02:00

Hello, people!

I haven't posted anything in a while, and it's been sad and quiet on this blog...My sis is getting married, and there's mild panic in the air...my room looks like a warehouse, and very soon the arrival of family is going to turn the whole place into a menagerie...yes, my parrot aunts and bull uncles are coming too...My dress is still being made/created/whatever the hell designers say they do...I have no matching shoes nor do I have a matching blingy shiny tiny bag to go...my brother and father await news from China on the progress of their suits...I'm joking, but it's taking so long it seems like they're coming from some far-off sweat-shopped country...they bought it from a place down the road :) We are still ordering sweets and nonsensically tiny confectionaries to feed the aunts with large hankies and Mary Poppins handbags, and are arguing over whether the daughter of an aunt is invited, seeing as we haven't seen her in ages...and I mean ages...we rely on my mother's 1981 wedding pictures to remember what she looked like...

In other news, Joe's interview, as spoken of in the previous post, was not as unsuccessful as she thought...Uh, I got the internship, as did my friend Zuleikha :) Seems I didn't think to check my other e-mail address...oops...sorry :) So I started on Wednesday, trying to win the other employees over with my black dress and red scarf...seemed to work for a while, until Lone Muslim Boy in our group mentioned he was stabbed the day of the interview...took all my glory away as the other girls cooed and fussed over him...shame, but he's shy, that Lone Muslim Boy:) I have been thinking non-stop for 3 days now, and it's strange, cos I try my best not to think too hard...it's a new feeling; I hope I get accustomed to it soon...:) The people I've met are amazing and passionate and friendly, so much so that I have made myself at home (especially in the lounge area), making tea, eating biscuits, laughing maniacally, hugging people, wearing torn stockings...it's a very homely place :) We even have a Mother, E, who calls us her babies and tells us when lunch is ready...by the way, thank you to those who wished me luck, and to Taqdeer, who left a bright and motivating comment after my "I didn't get in" comment :D Also the best friends: MJ and Q, (thanks for that cool "Sorry you effed up your interview" drawing, MJ :D) Waseem, thanks for your lovely smses too, they pulled me out of my Pit of Nervousness :) I sound like I'm giving an Oscar speech, lol. One day, people, one day I will...:D

Love and Marriage (my sister, remember :) )

!Joe!

Hello, People

2007-06-07T03:30:00.000+02:00

One of my best friends Zuleikha and I are going for an interview on Friday. I am a nervous wreck, as usual.Hope we both do well...I'd love us to work together...:) wish I could work with all my friends...in the mean time, I hope my lack of posting is not a problem...now you can visit all the other blogs you promised to visit and didn't...

Love and tea,

!Joe!

Hands, Knees, Feet and Elbows

2007-05-28T11:08:00.000+02:00

We all know how rough winter can be on skin. During this time of year, some people keep their skin healthy and glowing by using Helios oil(?), or doing the "skin on skin" dance(??)...

I use Ingram's Camphor Cream... (imagine Commercial Woman's Voice speaking this entire paragraph in a hypnotised/hypnotising way)

This is my heroic/romantic photographic take on the green camphor-scented skin hydrant...it was a warm Saturday afternoon and Ingram and I were bonding...the sun had decided to visit and could not take his eyes off my dear darling Ingram, hence the little sparks of light glinting here and there.

I know many people hate the smell of camphor; MJ abhors it, and my best friend from primary school said it reminded her of the place her aunt used for washing bodies...I find the smell soothing and hygienic and it makes me tingle...it smells and feels like it has anti-bacterial properties, ( as you can see, I don't bother researching anything on this blog, so you'll just have to take my word on the anti-bacterial properties bit). Even koalas like the smell and taste of camphor. They practically crap reconstituted camphor. I saw that on a documentary; the park ranger-woman-person bent down and lovingly scooped up a little piece of dropping, rubbed it gingerly between thumb and forefinger, and sniffed it like it was a Ferrero. "Mmm," she smiled and turned to the presenter, "Can you smell that?" See, camphor-scented koala poo is, literally, the shit...I wonder if it really is anti-bacterial, like bees and propolis. I don't really know or care; Ingram's Camphor Cream or The Camph, as I have decided to call it, is my favourite thing in winter...

I also know The Hulk especially loves it because it evens out his skin tone.

Love and camphor,

!Joe!

PS: this is not a product placement thingie even though a...product...has been..placed...here...this is true love for The Camph.

Yoh, I Haven't Posted Anything in Ages...

2007-05-23T03:28:00.000+02:00

Well, my headline sort of summed up my reaction when I visited my blog today. At first I was like, "This girl's blog is so boring, man, why doesn't she ever update the damn thing, she's had that pic of her friends up for so long" and then I realised it was my blog...

So here I am, older, wiser and colder, wishing climate patterns didn't have to change...it feels colder than usual. Durban's winter has never felt like there were icicles hanging from your earlobes...I woke up with a sore throat this morning, feeling like I had the 'flu...I've always maintained that summer is better than winter, a statement my sister vehemently debated. "In summer you get all hot and sticky and bothered and yuck and you have to have 4 showers a day just to cool down and no matter where you are you always feel hot unless there are air-conditioners you use tons of perfume and drink gallons of water and you know how humid Durban is and you feel stinky and..." blah blah blah blah...I stopped listening to her. In winter you cannot escape the cold; in summer you can get nekkid in your house (ok, shorts and vests also work) and just sit with legs and arms splayed out fanning your armpits and sleep without a blanket and eventually you will cool down...no matter how many blankets I have in winter I still feel cold. Heat retention is inversely proportional to the number of blankets you have...

So around last week (or maybe it was the week before, I can never remember these things) we had blinds..installed?...put in?...Oh, bugger, we now have new blinds. They are so beautiful and white and it makes our house look all cottage-y even though it's a flat...I've been opening and closing them like they do in police/detective movies, spying on my brother in this film noir way...my favourite thing to do with them is open them to the top, and then I act like a game show girl: "That's right, contestent number 4, you've won yourself a brand new view of the university! And not just any university, it's the

University of KwaZulu Natal, where you can buy and sell Phds and get overheated pies from the Caf!" Lame, I know...I'm also happy that we have blinds now, because my ne ighbours could see everything before...let's just say that if I ever went missing, the neighbours would describe me as "about 1.65, black hair, wrapped in white towel." I recently saw a neighbour who lives on

the floor below me, and she doesn't have curtains or blinds...1: she really needs new shorts, and 2:she should wear those new shorts all the time with legs like hers...

Here are some pics of my blinds. I know blinds are boring, but have you ever given the people who put them up for you a second glance?...;) These are the blinds in my room (picture 1) and the ones below are in the living room (pictures 2 and 3). I didn't know blinds were so damn hard to photograph...they don't smile, they refuse to look at the camera, they only have one "look"...

Sorry if I bored you today; I promise to write something with more substance when I have more time. Qdee, I wrote about the blinds cos I know you wanted to see them:) Next you should do a post on your wooden floor in your room, oooh!!! And maybe sometime in the future I could do one on my new cupboards, double oooooh! And then we could get someone else to do one on new tiles, new bedsheets, new crockery...the list is endless!!!

And don't forget, people...love is blind :D hehehe, Joe gets her lame joke in, yessss!

Love, renovations and unreliable carpenters...

!Joe!

Best Friends

2007-05-15T02:57:00.000+02:00

Oh Gawd, the title of this post, along with this picture, sounds like a romance novel for young adults that runs for 110 pages...:) but these hot young thangs are two of my best friends, MJ and Princess Qdee...I'm not disregarding the other best friends; I just really like this picture, despite MJ's mouth being blocked...it was sunset, and we were peering out of Qdee's balcony, checking out MJ's car to see if anyone wanted to steal a Tata...

If it were a romance novel, it would have a blurb on the cover that would go something like,

"Who knew the boy next door...would make his way into her heart?" :D

A non-romantic caption could perhaps go:

Qdee: Wow, MJ, no one's stealing your Tata!

MJ: but one day they will, Q, one day they will...

Qdee: (to self) ooh, someone's stealing MJ's Tata...please don't look down, MJ, don't look down...quick, people, just get in the car and go...

MJ: (to self) I'm so glad I have a Tata...no one steals those...

By the way, they are not going out/making out, in case you thought so from the pic...MJ is very much in love with his spicy pasta and Qdee is hotter than MJ so...:)

I just posted this picture because I miss them all the time :( I did see MJ on Saturday; he was making the ladies and a few batty bois swoon with his slightly hirsute masculine jawline...he's so handsome, that one:) and I saw other best friend sweetie Dew, but I wish I could see them more often...If you like, why don't you suggest some cute/sweet/funny captions for the above pic...perhaps we could use it in a Lovelife campaign, like "Jump out a window if..you...don't have a.....condom..." ok, someone shoot me now...please...

Mwah to all the best friends...

love, Mills and Boons

Joe

Bowling, or, I Really Need to Build Upper Body Strength

2007-05-14T03:40:00.000+02:00

I was invited to a fine game of bowling on Saturday night by the MJ himself, who decided to include the eff word in his sms invitation. I ignored the eff word, and thought, yes, i am in the mood for doing something fun for a while with the MJ and Dew, and a few unknown, but apparently lovely, people. These lovely and good-looking people included: Zoe, Waseem, R, Safiyya and her sister, Mazozo, Arshad, Phantom, Leila, Waseem's bro Shiraz and cousin Yuraaz, and some other people who were so amazing I can't even mention their names...ok i can't remember too clearly who the others were, like the girl in embroidered jeans and her friends...

The game ended off with my team winning, woohoo! Um, I did not contribute to the result, having knocked over 28 pins...my thumb kept getting stuck and my arms refused to do anything except overplay the role of "sticks" and eventually my balls (I'm a girl, i don't have balls, I have a va-jay-jay, i mean my bowling ball) began to get comfy in the gutter...and people began to feel sorry for me...Dew gave me some tips that helped a bit, MJ tried to show me the correct way of holding the ball, Waseem told me to switch hands, Zoe screamed encouragement behind me and advised me to throw it from between my legs...It was like the bowling UNICEF showed up to help me...Poor Dew and Zoe, they never gave up on me...they were like those mothers at swimming galas, screaming at their (clearly) drowning children to "Swim, my baby, swim!" Even afterwards Zoe was so encouraging...Gawd, I am such a loser, :D Thank goodness for people like Waseem, Zoe, Arshad, Leila, Saf, Yuraaz and the bald guy, who all bowl like pros. :) Waseem had this awesome leg technique thing, Arshad was so focused, like a lion hunter in colonial Africa, and Leila had that quiet Jean-Grey-like strength..ok, that was my loser-moment number two...

So, as is usually the case after things go embarrassingly wrong, i had ice-cream. Milky Lane had to set up their conference table for us (ok, they just added a few tables here and there to create an L-shape) and only Jesus knows how the waiter managed to hear our orders (ok, not only Jesus, i think God was also watching us from an embarrassed distance...) Many balloons were blown (courtesy of MJ's spit and carbon dioxide), and many balloons were burst (courtesy of R and Zoe's earrings)...I tried to convince Dew and Waseem that I am an aggressive person, but they didn't believe me as they had just seen me bowl...Arshad made me laugh when he piled Saf's sister with everyone's money because she's studying BCom Accounting...:)
Best joke for the night came from Saf:
Waseem: there's a girl at work who doesn't eat chocolate or ice-cream...
Saf: (sarcastically) Is she a girl?
:D
I tried to get Waseem and Dew to say "Mmm, good stuff" after each bite of pancake/ice-cream, but it didn't really catch on...ok, so starting trends from Milky Lane seviette copy isn't really trendy, lol...I had a fun time, despite the sore fingers...

Mmm, good stuff :D

Love, Joe

Rush Hour 3...:D:D:D

2007-05-07T03:17:00.000+02:00

Yay and yay a million times over! Rush Hour 3 is comin' out towards the ending of the year, and I am having mild yet chest-crushing heart palpitations in anticipation. I loved Rush Hour 1 and 2, and despite the many Oscar-winning films out there that one can choose to call their favourite, I choose two Jackie Chan vehicles to be my lawfully wedded faves. Or at least near the top of my favourite list. Those of you who have had the pleasure and joy of watching either one or two, will, like me, know most, if not all, the lines, and will even remember the soundtrack, every outfit and setting, all the silly mise-en-scene...I think Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker (Lee and Carter) are one of the funniest on-screen teams I've ever seen, and Jackie Chan's quirky, energetic choreography is silencing...well, it is at my house; we tend to stare open-mouthed and speechless at the cleverness of it all:) I realise I like Jackie Chan films...not "First Strike" Jackie Chan, just the Rush Hour Jackie Chan...and the Shanghai Noon Jackie :) And Chris Tucker...I'll just add a smiley here :) How can anyone not like him and his charming motormouthedness, if such a word exists. But not everyone thinks like me. I think you have to be truly appreciative of the style of wit used to enjoy it:) Scoff at my opinion, but you will understand one day...Credit must also be given to Jeremy Piven in Rush Hour 2:D He steals the show in his 2-minute scene...
Many of my everyday conversations are littered with quotes from the first two films; not even my mother can escape a "Don't nobody understand the words coming outta your mouth." :) Other lines I use on my brother, sister, father, grandfather:

Carter: I think you need to go over there and count something.

Lee: "war...huh!...what is it good for, absolutely naaathing...Good guys, you all!" :D:D

Carter: I'm gonna pretend you're a man...a very beautiful man..that I'd like to take to the movies.

Lee: I can't believe I flew 10 000 miles for this shit!

Carter: We coulda been a good couple; we coulda had something special...but you one crazy-ass bitch!

Carter: I ain't no punk bitch!

Carter: I have a dream...that black people and white people, and even chinese people, can gamble together with the same number of chips!

Carter: aw, you know you dead.

Lee: Yeah, I'm a player.

:) I hope to see the next one with my siblings and my father; we're such big fans it's a bit like going to see a film starring old family friends...:)

"Who put their hand on my butt? Do it again." :D

Joe

Cows in Action!

2007-05-05T04:04:00.000+02:00

I have been surrounded by cows recently...not real ones, that would be wishful thinking...Qdee sent me an email recently called "milk tart" that was so funny :D and then I came across this book called "Cows in Action: The Ter-moo-nators." :D I love cows, and I have a few cow-lateral objects at home :) so obviously, this piqued my interest and I decided to share it with you.

These cows are members of the CIA - Cows In Action. :) Professor McMoo and his "sidekicks" Pat and Bo are agents who travel through time getting rid of evil bulls and so on. When the professor invents a time machine, the agents have to fight a robo-cow called the ter-moo-nator who wants to fiddle around with the past. :) The myriad of cow jokes one could milk (pun intended) are endless. (I can't seem to think of any now, damn!) If I were in the relevant age group again, I'd definitely read something like this, mainly because, duh, I love cows, and cos I love fantastic stories that make anything believable. The next book in this series is called "Cow's in Action: the Moo-my's Curse" :D I love it...

Love, moo-ti and sweet moo-sic:)

!Joe!

Labels: keep on moo-ving, moo-ney's too tight to mention, one moo-ment in time, you're moo-tiful, ain't no udder man, Be-cows of you

Laurence Olivier...

2007-05-01T03:11:00.000+02:00

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Can you imagine your personality being equated to a Laurence Olivier film? I'm sure you'd be as chuffed as me:) At first I thought, crap, I'm being compared to a crappy story with characters named Heathcliff and Katherine, but then I thought, wait, there's Sir Laurence, who was and is an influential figure in my life (I'll explain at a later stage). And the little explanatory note is is so frighteningly true. I have always been a drama queen at heart, and I think, somewhere in the mass grave that is my past, I have always been a romantic dreamer whose only wish is for the world to be simpler and for people to stop being nasty/bitchy/mean/paranoid/defensive etc. I wish we could all just get along...Finding true love has been postponed for the time being, though...

If I could classify people I know as classic films, some would be Gone with the Wind and My Fair Lady, others would be Singin' In the Rain, and then there'd be The Amityville Horrors and Poltergeists...Wuthering Heights is not exactly the classic film I'd imagined myself to be. If I had to choose, I'd be the Sound of Music. Not cos I'm sweet and family-oriented, but cos I sing alot :D I do! I have a number of different voices that I sing in: there's the 6-year-old from Barney, the Simple-Planner with the blocked nose, the Chester Bennington wannabe, a mix between Eartha Kitt and Sarah Brightman (a scary yet intriguing combination), and then there's my Patrizio Buane lilt, as I like to call it. The only thing I can sing in his voice is "Il Mondo", and even then, that's the only line I know :D I also do the grand Russian dame voice, which is the most fun, cos I can see myself with hangy jowls and a tattered maroon fur draped across shoulders as I sing of how Aleksander Kerensky and I got our groove on while eating lunch in the Pravda offices...But that's just me being silly...I actually sing about the regrets I have for not canoodling with Leon Trotsky when I had the chance...:D By the way, I am not a particularly good singer, but I love singing cos it warms my voice up to a high pitch, which is good for screaming at my brother...

I hope the rest of you will own up to your own secret "voices" as I have done...I just hope you all do vocal warm-ups before you do; don't come round here next time blaming me for vocal nodes and torn epiglottises(?). :)

Damn, I did an MJ again...

Love me for a reason, let the reason be love :)

!Joe!

TV Turnoff Week...

2007-04-26T02:36:00.000+02:00

I know it's Thurday, and already quite late into the week to be talking about TV Turnoff week, but I was wondering if any of you have been following the rules and regulations of this week ie: do not watch tv for a week. I thought it a devastating idea; how can I switch my TV off when Michael and Lincoln are on the telly? And let's not even mention Desperate Housewives and the Ellen deGeneres Show and Smallville...Just in case you're rolling you eyes cynically, I don't watch Prison Break because of Wentworth, (though he is lovely).
Some silly man in the Daily News on Monday stated that he couldn't switch his TV off because of the cricket! Come on, the cricket?! OK, SABC isn't quite winning any awards for best and freshest shows on TV, but there must be something else you can watch besides the cricket. I'd rather watch Scandal!...yes, people, Scandal! (Scandal with the exclamation mark, yes, that Scandal). Off course, I'd need a bucket next to me as I vomit at the lines, the acting, the camerawork, etc. Anything but the cricket. I'm so glad it's almost over...The same Silly Man said he keeps his TV on even when he's sleeping. Here we are in the midst of an energy crisis, and Silly Man decides to keep his TV on for no reason other than to keep him company (a guy like that definitely doesn't have a girlfriend/wife). He must be the silliest man in Durban, watching the cricket and leaving his TV on. Tsk, tsk, I tell you, tsk, tsk, tsk...
Anyhow, I haven't switched my TV off this week, though I do watch lesser TV than I used to. I hope that's a good thing. I have a feeling it isn't, seeing as I'm supposed to be a media graduate and immersing myself in all media vehicles...oh well...

Love, good television and couch potato-ing

Joe

The Best Two Words You'll Ever Hear...

2007-04-21T01:59:00.000+02:00

:) I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way...I saw this sign at an awards ceremony last year, and there's a running joke at home involving me sitting near the halaal buffet...it's always nice to see a halaal buffet at a non-denominational function. And this was a real certified-Halaal buffet, not a "there's no pork therefore it's all halaal" buffet. Despite the fact that it was Halaal and a buffet, I ended up eating very little food, and more of the dessert, which has always been my downfall. Who can resist hot soji and ice-cream? Yumyum...You can feel the heated soji arguing...heatedly with the splintering cold ice-cream all the way down your oesophagus, and it's all sweet and melty and your thighs are crying, "You selfish cow!" but you really couldn't care cos it feels like everything that is wrong in the world is suddenly right with every bite. Alas, podgy thighs, the burden is yours alone...hmm, these are crumbs left over from the confectionaries of a past blog :)

Love, Soji and ice-cream (or should that be Loves soji and ice-cream?)

Joe

The Best Ship is Friend Ship...

2007-04-19T04:25:00.000+02:00

Lame, yes, but that was the tune we were singin' back in primary school...this post was inspired by a sudden feeling of anxiety and sadness and nausea and yearning...yes, I miss my friends:( I know, i know, i visit their blogs all the time, but how can a person be satisfied with an electronic version of a friend? I can't hear their voices, see their youthful eyes glisten as they recount the events that have made them laugh, think and pray. I can't hear the dulcet tones (ooh, cliche, Joe!) of my Qdee's voice, hear her tell me excitedly about her neighbour's mysterious Imac scents emerging from her bathroom; I cannot tell if MJ wanting to get The Rob for my wedding is a sarcastic jibe, seeing as I cannot make out tone and wicked smirks from his words; I can't see Dew's face light up and her eyebrows wiggle as she tells me how wet, wet, wet her wednesday was...of course, beggars can't be choosers, and I shall have to settle for Blog Q, Blog MJ and Blog Dew for now.
I'd love to tell you the stories surrounding how we all met. The "funnest" one for me is the one about Q and I :D it's the stuff Jacqueline Wilson books are made of. And my MJ one is bittersweet, but it isn't that way because of him, no, he's the sweet part of it. And the Dew one is the newest story, even though I met her at the same time as Q. But I will leave that for my next post; this is just a short preface to it; I also need some time to write it, so please, bear with me. :) In summary, I miss you folks; I shall think of you as I bake my marble cake tomorrow. :)

Love

Joe

You Knew This Was Coming...The Rob Post :)

2007-04-17T01:34:00.000+02:00

So I've been at yourspins.com recently mixing up "She's Madonna" ('Joe's Mix Complete') by life-long love and world's greatest entertainer, The Rob, and I'm still trying to work it all out, hence my half-built beats and rhythm. It's so much fun I decided to write a bit about it in the hope that others try their hand at it. Be warned that it is addictive! I've been at it for a while, but I've torn myself away from the site in case I get sick of listening to it over and over again. Not that I would, seeing as I could listen to "Angels" and "Millennium" a million times over, or just until my ears begin to bleed and it becomes impossible to interact with society on a 'normal' level .

So, this is my first proper post on the Rob here, which I'm sure some of you tired of while I was LiveJournal. It was a shrine to cupcakes and Rob (two of my fave things), such that people thought that I was a fat British girl. Which I am not. In summary, I've been a Rob fan since my primary school days, when he was the fat one from Take That (which I thought was a horribly slanderous thing to say) and my fave Take That songs were usually the ones Rob sang (Could It Be Magic, Everything Changes...). Ok, so now the Rob's been in rehab, but who hasn't? And he's going to be singing with Take That in the near future, apparently, and who hasn't done that either? Either way, I shall take this moment, and, consequentially, this post, to reminisce over Rob lyrics I love. Not all, just some, or I'll be here forever...

Louise - Rudebox: The bridge in "Louise" always makes me feel like crying and smiling at the thought that I'm not alone in feeling...this feeling:

It's not always true that time heals all wounds
There are wounds that you don't wanna heal
The memories of something really good
Something truly real, that you never found again

I hope you understand what I mean, I'm not expressing myself too well these days. Btw, this isn't Rob's song, it's a cover :)

The Actor - Rudebox: :) I'm sure most of you would have guessed that I like this entire song. It makes me laugh every time I hear it; makes me thing of Monday afternoons, from 14:10 till 16:30, down the Drama hill...here's a piece I know a certain person will agree with. In fact, it sounds like the sort of conversation I'd have with said certain person (with me as the voice in brackets):

Good from far but far from good, (All I have is my instinct)
You love to act, I wish you would, (It's not acting, it's re-acting)
Act like you're not from out of space, (When I'm on stage I feel alive)
You know ambition isn't grace, (For me it's the craft)

:D I also think I like this song so much because of the "Joaquin, Joaquin, Joaquin, Joaquin" repetition in the bridge. Not that I like Joaquin, but it's a catchy word to say over and over.

Singing for the Lonely, Sing When You're Winning: I like these lines cos they sound just like me:

I don't wake up early every morning, cos the more I sleep the less I have to say. :)

I also like the line "The hooligan half of me that steals from Woolworths, and the other that lives for love." I don't steal from Woolworths, but the idea of someone stealing from Woolworths and dreaming of finding love sounds like a romantic modern-day Robin Hood (with caramel butterscotch swiss-rolls stuffed into his pockets).

Better Man, Sing When You're Winning: This song is terribly sweet, and one of the few Rob songs I can sing without sounding like I need to let go of bodily waste.

Send someone to love me, I need to rest in arms, keep me safe from harm and the pouring rain...

Ah, so many good lyrics, so many cherished memories...I will post more in future, cos there are so many I've missed here. I'd like to do one discussing the lines of some of Bush's lyrics from their album "Golden State", cos I still feel, six years down the line, that some of it goes way over my head :)

Let Love Be Your Energy

Joe

Pictorial Exemplar: Anti-Socials in Public

2007-04-14T02:57:00.000+02:00

QD: I wonder if MJ's online...

MJ: I wonder if QDee's online...

Here are QDee and MJ (left to right, in case you don't know and are still having difficulty telling the difference between men and women) at the food court at Gateway a few months ago. I was planning on using this photo as part of a series of photos here, but that seems to be taking forever with my land line connection. I don't have ADSL; "do I look like Bills Gates?" :D That always cracks me up...please don't suggest I go out and get it from Vodacom and repeat the whole ad here...
Yes, they do look like anti-social beings here, lost in their mxit worlds. And how rude of them, while I was enthusiastically snapping away like Niney Ruthnam. In fact, they both look like they wanted me to drop dead or leave them alone. Hmm, I seem to miss these signs quite often...
Thursday (ooh, Thursday, I'm not telling you about it!Cos I'll blog on it in a while) also produced some "top" pictures, which shall be displayed here soon, once I transfer them from cam to pc. OK, so they're not "top" pictures, but they're still lovely to look at. Any photo of MJ would be luscious ;D "OOOOH, Joe's flirtin' with MJ, ooooh!{blush, giggle, raised eyebrows!}" NO, she just 1) loves getting a reaction and 2) really loves the words "ooooh," "flirtin'," and "with." Joe also needs to make up for all the horrible things she says on his blog unknowingly, and would like to take this opportunity to say sorry, MJ, you know you my boi, and my dawg, and I do it in the hope that I get a funny and/or lovely comment back from you. And you know I'm a cow, big udders and all. You are a shepherding dawg (?) that guides me back into the barn at the end of the day; the farmer who pasteurises my milk and pays my "wind" tax...lol, I'm taking the farm thing a bit too far now, I'll stop.:)
Anyway, Qdee always looks hotter than everyone else in photos, especially her serious poses; she knows what I'm talking about :) I only have a pic of Dew's fingers poking at her fish and chips while at Gateway, which means next time she will be photographed much more than everyone else, winning her the title of "Miss Photogenic" and a year's supply of free film cannisters from Panday's Studios. (like, duh, film not included).

Love, awkward silences and non-communication

Joe

Supposedly Artsy-Fartsy Yet Really Crappy Photography

2007-04-10T03:22:00.000+02:00

I was moping around the kitchen one day during Ramadaan last year; I was not eating, I was baking pies before Iftaar:) Ooh, Joe was baking pies! Yes, pre-made pies, that is. Of course, the buttery warm smells were getting to me, and I was bored watching puff pastry...puff, so I had to find something to occupy myself. So I decided to take out some seemingly-mundane-yet philosophical-on-further-inspection photos. (I know there's one word for that; I'll call each one of you once I remember it). Well, this pic was just the result of me placing the camera on the drainboard and then pressing the shiney button on the top that one presses when one feels like capturing a moment on film or memory card. I think this picture looks "So now" as they say on Project Runway. In other words, it looks like I tried to convey a message through the picture, though i know very well I wasn't trying to say anything at all, beside show people that we use yellow swabs. And that my tiles looks a bit grubby. I scrubbed them afterwards. I should've taken a photograph of that instead. I feel like an ant on the sink when I look at this. What do you see? Whoever reads this blog (And you should be flagellating yourself mercilessly for actually reading this far), I'd like to know what you think. Please do get all NSA Gallery on me while critiquing this. And suggest a name for it, too. Let's see how pseudo-arty intellectual we can all be. :)

Love in a softly unfocused way,

Joe

I Am An Investment Banker

2007-04-06T03:53:00.000+02:00

If you look carefully at my profile, you'll see that I am, indeed, an investment banker. Yes, investing all Hopes and Fears (see Tom, Tim and Richard link) in Pipe Dreams and Childhood Ambitions. I hope this tells you all you need to know about me. Because I'm not really in the mood of explaining who I am.
While I'm here twiddling my thumbs and humming "Sunshine" by Keane, let me just go through the blogs of friends which have currently got me thinking.

MJ's discussing tags again. The tall, I-shoot-straight-from-the-hip-and-eat-spicy-pasta-while-washing-my-hair-with-Head-and-Shoulders blogger has decided to tag me too, which I will decide over the next few days if it is nutritionally feasible for me to do so. He apparently liked my last tag, for which I am thankful, seeing as I don't make him laugh too often, what with all the deconstructive questioning I do on his comments page. Sorry, Ma Junzi Boi, you know I only do it because I find it difficult to comprehend underlying meanings, thus not getting the joke. Missing you :)

QDee's recent post made my chest burn in worry and sadness and emptiness because I miss her so much. Please visit it and cheer our lady up in any way you know how, such as face-painting, making balloon-animal shapes, performing comic monologues, playing Cheb Mami etc. She's so adorable, you will fall for her immediately in much the same way I fell in love with coconut ice and cupcakes.

Dew's blog upset me because she was so upset at some shocking news she recently had the misfortune of receiving. I left a long comment there so I won't mention much here, except to say that I am by no means judgemental or sin-free, nor do I consider myself to be a complete prude...

I feel a bit like MJ right now...realised my headline and content don't match completely. Oh, well. I am an investment banker, after all, not an editor or writer, now am I...

Love and off-shore funds,

Joe

The Magnificent Seven

2007-04-05T02:19:00.000+02:00

Thanks to the kindness, friendly nature and complimentary ticket of an award-winning theatre friend, I attended "The Magnificent 7" last night at the Elizabeth Sneddon. Starring the Centre Stage All Star Band of Port Elizabeth and Aaron McIlroy as the alien bodysnatching Willy ("Big Willy"), it pays tribute to seven of the most successful and most-loved bands in history: The Beach Boys, The Beatles, The BeeGees, The Rolling Stones, Abba, Creedence Clearwater Revival, and Queen.
I knew it was going to be a blast, but somehow, I had already painted a picture in my mind of a group of musicians/singers trying to emulate their heroes in shiney tight pants and weird wigs, while an MC of sorts pranced about the stage to give the whole thing some meaning. Ok, so there were shiney pants and wigs. But the band was rocking so hard it didn't matter what was tight and what was weird. Aaron McIlroy acts as the link between each band as he tries to understand us human beings. He is the only comedian I've seen so far to do the South African Indian accent so convincingly and honestly (besides Indian comedians, of course). It's not just a cheap imitation of Indians we've come to expect; he does it in a way that displays intuition and integrity and intelligence, which cannot be said of a certain other Indian impersonator...no "all and all" and "6,99"s here. But there were references to "this ou," "that ou" and "Wit ous." :) I loved Willy from the Bluff in his fur frontier jacket and Flings-like hair, especially his comment to the woman next me, who laughed at a joke a fraction after everyone else: "She's from the Bluff...shame, that's my mum." lol. And you will crap yourself when he plays the nerdy Willy, who can't seem to talk without having nervous spasms in his hip and thigh area. And he sings, too.
As for the band, drummer Gino's Mick Jagger impersonation was terribly cute, a word which doesn't really scream "Mick Jagger" but he was still as cool and energetic as Mick. And everyone in the band can sang, dawg. The back-up singers, while being vocal angels, just need to find themselves some fresh dance moves, but they were still really brilliant, as was the lead guitarist, who, as the Friend next to me said, looked like he was gonna pop from his electric-guitar-fervour. All we learned about the Barry Gibb sound-alike was his name, "Andre." Amazing talent, dodgy pants...And the Queen tribute at the end was gorgeous and glam and powerful and moving, with the whole band singing Bohemian Rhapsody with such emotion and devotion...ok, I'm not into old bands and stuff, but this was fun and lively and didn't come across as being a half-arsed production with some old songs smooshed together to make money off avid theatre-goers like me. I wasn't alone in my opinion. Friend next to me noticed an elderly Indian man in the row ahead of us dancing and moving his feet and head stiffly to the Beatles and, can you imagine, belting out the chorus to CCR's "Proud Mary"...The audience was on their feet most of the time, dancing, singing, and generally letting go in an environment that allowed them to do the free love thing (minus the intercourse and weed). I did my bit of free-loving by threatening to pinch the cheeks of the poor first-year psych student manning the doors...he was sooo cute:)

My Patrick Stump Confession

2007-04-02T01:42:00.000+02:00

I will, unashamedly, admit to having a minor yet sweet crush on one Mr Patrick Stump from Fall Out Boy. I blush as I write this, because I have felt these untoward feelings toward Patrick (I'm gonna call him Patrick, ok?) for quite a while now. I think some of it comes from the fact that I used to have a soft spot for chubby, warm-looking boys when I was younger. Yes, boys who looked like fluffy bears used to do it for me once upon a time.

But it's also because of Patrick's voice. It makes me feel like he could ask me to shoot my best friend (eg: Qdee; MJ; etc) and I would do it. It has a richness in tone and depth and quality. I know those all, more or less, mean the same thing, but I'm trying to give a 3D impression of it. And it moves all over, from one end of the scale to the other with an ease that calms and protects, like a mint lip balm. It's seductive, strong and flirtatious. You can't help but pay attention every time you hear him, and it turns songs into instant classics. His presence on Gym Class Heroes' "Cupid's Chokehold" (*) is restricted to the chorus, but what a chorus. No one really pays attention to the verse bitties. In other words, he got soul. And what's with all the Pete Wentz Worship? OK, he's got a cute thing going on somewhere beneath his black eyeliner, but please. He can't persuade me to shoot best friends and feel nothing for them.

Patrick, all in all, is a snuggly pompom that I want to hug. I also dig his hats. :) And that was my confession...

*question for music lovers: why is it that we have to put up with hearing the latest music when they are no longer "latest"? I remember MTV Europe flighting the video for Cupid's chokehold over a year ago, and the radio stations have only picked it up in the past few months. Is this because it has only just received alot of attention in America now? Or are there laws that I don't know of? It makes me mad cos it feels...backward somehow. Maybe I'm just impatient...

Love

Joe

Tagged?

2007-03-28T04:59:00.000+02:00

I've been tagged, apparently. Like a rhino in a population sample study at Kruger National Park. Is this blog chainmail? I don't want to tell you five things you don't know about me. I didn't realise I was special enough to issue such a blog entry. I am an open and straightforward person, as far as i can deduce from my behaviour and from what my neighbour tells me. Mas once told me that I am still the same person I was in primary school (since class one). I remember thinking, he is so wrong, I stopped watching Ice-T movies ages ago. I now also have a period to contend with on a monthly basis, so Mas really didn't know what he was talking about.
From the above paragraph you learned:
1. I know something about sampling and calculating population sizes.
2. I've known Mas since class one, which practically makes us childhood sweethearts:)
3. I used to watch Ice-T films...and liked them.
4. I'm amazingly fertile.
5. Mas doesn't know I menstruate.

So, there. I fulfilled the tag criteria. Now don't tag me again. Unless it involves The Rob. Then tag me like a jackass penguin on Robben Island.

Love and fresh ova

Joe

I Feel Odd

2007-03-24T02:45:00.000+02:00

I haven't been able to access my blog for a while now, and now that I have, I feel strangely apprehensive. I'm afraid of my own words. I'm shying away from the keyboard, from the screen. Is it going to attack me, is it suctioning my essence from my finger tips? I don't have an essence for it to steal, anyhow. If I did, I would like it to be vanilla :) Sorry, lame joke. I'm trying to calm my frazzled nerves here, people, bear with me. Why do I feel like it's my final exams and I haven't studied? I feel calmer on stage, I tell you. I'm hoping I get over this soon. I have stories that need telling.

Love in the midst of a panic attack

Joe

SO LONG, FAREWELL

2007-01-19T00:43:00.000+02:00

I have been forced to leave my Livejournal...which is terribly sad for me, seeing as I had expressed my love for confectionary so freely there...:( Until the LJ people come to realise that their "No anonymous comments in case of Spam" policy is a bit too OCD, I'm afraid that I shall be stuck here, trying to fit to this new Blogger skin. It's is one size too big while being one size too small simultaneously...

I hope I shall capture the warmth and sweetness of my LifeMindLove journal here. Please do visit it; there are so many things there that I love dearly...

Love,

Joe.